Friday, August 21, 2009

Breaking Me Down

Apart of me understood what was about to take place in my life. Another part just wanted to imagine the opposite and ignore the facts on the walls. Everything around me pointed to one conclusion while I prayed for another one. How is it we always over look the details in the people were around? Why are our hearts hurt for those who seem to careless? I have had some heartbreaks in my life but none ever like this. I look in the mirror most days and wonder how I have fallen so far from where I once was in life. The women who once stood even when she felt she was falling apart. Is now starring in the mirror trying to find herself again, and the women who once took the pain with a smile. Now cries her self to sleep looking for answers in her tears. What could have done this to a women so strong and bold?
A women who once knew her worth is now questioning if she has any at all anymore. A women who once understood that you have to keep your head up and smile strong to prove your enemies wrong. Is now at the mercy of their feet begging for relief, and trying to break free. Too scared to sleep some nights, don't want the dreams of what might have been for me. Those have turned into nightmares that hunt me and send me to my knees in prayer. I look to heaven and blame myself, but ask God for mercy and seek his help. I once asked how can a man destroy the world, but now I see how he can. As women we carry and bring forth life, destroy us destroy the cycle that brings in life.
When is being a good women not enough and caring no longer matters? When the things you'll do to make them happy no longer makes them smile, what are you to do? When you have no one to turn to because your ashamed to say you weren't enough. Your best wasn't good enough, your heart wasn't good enough, and your devotion to their dreams wasn't strong enough. How do you face the day when your waiting to be asked what you did wrong, and why you weren't able to hold on? I once use to stand tall and over look all the small things, and focus on the bigger picture.
The Truth is I have to be strong and move right along. I heard a wise women once say to me "Sad in the beginning but a broken heart in the future will feel way worse." Meaning that it's better to know now then to find out later. I agree I mean I can deal with this pain now, but the thought of holding on to a lie into the future is brutal!
Your lies were never in your eyes
Your deception was never in your kiss
Your intentions were never mentioned and never spoken
Your hands wouldn't dare touch me with pain, but yet it was your actions that did it all
You swear that's not it, but yet what I have seen says it all
Just tell me why
You had me benched until the fourth quarter and I'm the star
You had me on the sidelines with these other lames and I'm the MVP
You had me waiting in line and I was the ticket
You'll see that they won't compare to me I'm not your reserve
I'm not for your safe keep
You no longer have the key to my heart
It changed and won't be open again
You taught me a lesson That I should have learned years ago
You taught me what is it I already knew I should know
You may have hurt me but you didn't destroy me
And why is this important to me
Because you'll never get the chance you should of when you had me.
BY: Geneva Relf

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